i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Just cropdusted the office
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
