marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
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