Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
