I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
