if i died would you start the facebook group?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
