there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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