the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
