I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
