why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
