Nicole vs. Life
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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