what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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