Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
