i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
