I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
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