I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Randomize
