My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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