her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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