OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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