I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
