i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
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they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
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Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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