I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
