Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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