you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
