she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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