There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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