There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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