Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
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