I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
