Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
