I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
