forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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