whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
