No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
