im drinking this country out of the recession.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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