Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
