i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize