She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
