I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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