guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
