he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
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And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
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Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
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