I got her a Nickelback box set.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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