Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
