I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
