You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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