I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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