when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
