im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Michael Bay diarrhea
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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