I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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