would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
