Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
