do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
