He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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