I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
