Having a random hookup so left but love u
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
