but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
