Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
