I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
