i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
