I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
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I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
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I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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