his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
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