she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
