if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
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