He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
