It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
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the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
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alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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