you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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