True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
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All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
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I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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