You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
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Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize