I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
